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A Theoretical Rapper Drink That Exists, But Probably Should Not

At one point or another, everyone has had a drink that was both absurdly named and disgusting in taste. There are few people who have been fortunate enough to escape unscathed on their twenty-first birthdays, without having to endure the common hells associated with that special night.

Cement Mixers (Baileys Irish Cream and Lime juice), Four Horsemen (Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, Johnnie Walker, and Jose Cuervo), Jungle Juice (Everclear and fruit juice), and the notorious Bar Towels (the remnants and left over liquor on a bar top) are all too common. If you have not had these drinks, then consider yourself lucky. Sadly, there are countless others that probably put these drinks to shame. But as luck may have it, I do not know their names.

However, there are other drinks commonly referred to in rap lyrics, which have become quite popular. These drinks have been made famous by a wide array of artists.

Some of the more popular cocktails are 2Pacs Thug Passion (Alize Cognac, Cristal Champaign) Mobb Deeps Dainey (St. Ides Malt liquor and Pina Colada Champale), Beastie Boys Brass Monkey (Old English 800 and orange juice) and Kanye Wests Mali-booyow (Malibu rum and Grey Goose vodka). But these are all reasonable as far as drinks are concerned. I would certainly prefer any one of them to a Cement Mixer or Four Horsemen.

Though, there is one drink that borders on the line of insanity as far as cocktails are concerned. It is claimed to be responsible for the deaths of many people, most notably one of its creators. Before mentioning what this drink is, I must offer a forewarning, which is to not drink this concoctions for any reason. Not only will it most likely taste terrible, but also you would be putting yourself at great risk if you consumed it.

The drink is commonly referred to as Sizzurp, Texas Tea, Purple Drank and Thizzle. Made famous by Three 6 Mafia and Pimp C, the drink contains prescription cough syrup, Sprite, Vodka, and Jolly Rancher candies. The recipe may vary, but the main ingredient is the codeine found in prescription cough syrup. This main ingredient is also the reason the drink is so dangerous. Rapper Pimp C died from heart failure and it is commonly attributed to his consumption of Sizzurp.

The drink had become so popular that several commercial products had been created and marketed in the United States. They obviously do not contain codeine, but their reference is not lost upon its customers. The marketing ploys used by these companies are such that they play into what the actual drink provides when consumed. Slogans such as the King of Relaxation, Better Stronger Slower, Get Your Lean On, are all quite common.    

These companies receive numerous criticisms because of these references, and how after drinking a legal version of Sizzurp, a person might be more likely to try the real thing. There are those that believe it is the worst thing ever seen since the creation of candy cigarettes. To be honest, it is hard to argue. But that’s the beauty of a free economy and a free society, people are able to make a whole mess of dumb products and it doesn’t matter if people agree with them or not.

The name Sizzurp comes from the word syrup. But if you can imagine being really drunk, and trying to say syrup, you might slur the Y into a couple of Rs and mix  up the last three letters all together. It’s a funny thought to realize the name of a drink comes from the mispronouncing of another word, but then again perhaps that shouldn’t be funny, and rather sad. 

Again, it should be noted that no one should drink Sizzurp. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for the sake of posterity, and if not for the sake of posterity than for the sake of simply not endorsing it. Because it is certainly something funny to consider, but in actuality it is a travesty that people consume this stuff. So if you’re sippin on some Sizzurp…. You should simply stop. 

The author of this article was Damien S. Wilhelmi, an SEO guru, and wild western word slinger. I am writing on behalf of liquormart.com who deals in online liquor sales


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