Shielding Your Children from Divorce: How Much Should You Tellthem?
Making the decision to get a divorce can be devastating for the entire family. After all, the couple that is splitting up will have to deal with the emotions that accompany this decision without ignoring the needs of their children. In fact, it is sometimes harder for children to accept divorce than it is for the soon to be ex-spouses. Therefore, it is important to be careful when you discuss the divorce with your kids so that they understand what is happening without developing a grudge against one of their parents.
How Should We Tell Our Kids?
There are many reasons for a couple to get a divorce, but you should focus more on enabling your children to feel like they are still loved and supported by both of their parents. Because of this, the absolute best way to break the news is during a family meeting. In order to do this, you and your spouse will need to put your personal feelings about each other aside long enough to give your kids the news in a calm and rational way. If this is not possible, you should select one parent to talk about the situation.
However, it is important to note that the parent who opts not to show up for this discussion could be setting themselves up to look like the bad guy. The website of Katz & Phillips, P.A provides videos on parenting plans. Once the parenting plan is complete you can use it as a tool to explain to your children exactly how their time will be spent with each parent going forward.
What Information Should We Share?
Psychologists suggest sharing as much truthful information as possible based on the age and maturity level of each child. However, you should think very carefully before you tell your children that one of their parents committed adultery. After all, this could easily cause your kids to feel anger and resentment issues toward the cheating spouse, and this could rob them of their relationship with that parent.
Even though it is very difficult to deal with being cheated on, you should not let this prevent your children from having two loving parents in their life. If you do decide to let your kids know about the affair, you will need to approach it very carefully. Keep in mind that discussing adultery with teenagers could help them learn how to treat their future spouse with more respect.
How can We Make our Children Feel Loved During a Divorce?
It is normal for children to react badly when their parents get divorced, and this problem will be exacerbated if their emotional needs are not met. Therefore, both parents need to make a concentrated effort to spend quality time with each child. You should also reinforce the fact that your children did not have anything to do with the divorce, and it is best to make sure that they have their own personal space in each parent’s home so that they can have a sense of normality.
Although telling your children about divorce will not be easy, it is definitely better to let them know as soon as you are certain that you cannot reconcile with your spouse. As long as you give them the information in a sensitive way without inundating them with details that they do not need to know, you should be able to help your children get through the adjustment period without too many issues.
Valerie Stout Cyrus is a divorced mother with two children who frequently researches parenting issues. She has found that Katz & Phillips, P.A has a team of experts who will work hard to ensure that all of the issues of your divorce are addressed.
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